Tuesday, April 19, 2011

First Paragraphs

Amazon books and Google books.  They let me read snippets.  I like reading the first few pages; they tell me whether the author can write; it's important to know.

Go to Amazon and:

Read the first paragraph of Places in the Dark by Thomas H Cook.
Read the first six pages of Kiss Me, Judas by Will Christopher Baer.
The first paragraph of The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler (utterly brilliant - you could sustain an academic thesis on it).
First page of Angels Flight by Michael Connelly (the always reliable Connelly).
And for comparison:
The first few pages of To Kill a Mockingbird.  You'll have to scan down for a searchable edition.  The real writing begins about five pages in with "Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it."  Shame on Harper Lee for those first pages (heresy!).
Google has the first few pages of The Great Gatsby.  Shame on Scott Fitzgerald (even more heresy!) for those first few pages.
Surely an amusing diversion, but also something useful.
Raymond Chandler set the hook in the first paragraph. (How good is that!) He introduced his character, established a voice, and made us wonder why a fabulously rich man wanted a private eye. I don't know about you, but I was hooked.

And that's what the first paragraph is for. 

Know a better first paragraph? Leave a comment.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I like sex. It's good, clean fun. Except for that AIDS thing...and those other things. Sheesh, how to wreck a good thing.

Sex absolutely makes the world go round. (I know, you thought it was money or power - what do you think those are for?)

Just think of all the petabytes of porn on the net. Porn MADE the internet; it was the first successful internet business. Followed up by gambling. Hmmm. If I could just combine porn with gambling....
I like casual sex. It seems so much more sophisticated than the other kind - the sweaty, furtive, anonymous kind. Casual sex has a sort of bored, take it or leave it vibe. It's the kind of sex Hollywood types have. Maybe. Well...it's the kind of sex I like to imagine they have.
And I like the idea of gay sex except it can be a bit of a cruel joke on heterosexuals. Imagine you're a guy trying to hook up with this hot chick and you're on the edge, the cusp of sealing the deal. Then along comes another hottie and she gives the the first one the LOOK and you can see the first chick go into full up response mode. Okay, so hope springs eternal and there's the off chance of a three-way until you notice that they have left without giving me you a second look.

And turn it around. Suppose you're a chick and you're putting out the VIBES to this hot guy. Then along comes another rather ordinary looking guy and gives the first guy the LOOK. Oh man, how bad is she going to feel?

I always wanted to be bi-sexual. I just couldn't handle that sex with men thing - I couldn't even bring myself to try, how pathetic is that? After all, remember what your mother said: "You don't have to like it, you don't have to eat it, but you do have to try it." Bi-sexuals are sort of like the apex predator in the sexual jungle. The bi-sexual predator is choking down all the nookie he/she can handle. Funny thing though, I never knew one who wasn't deep down unhappy. Unhappy with the old conquests, soon to be unhappy with the new. Geeze, some people are never happy.

Saturday, April 9, 2011


I like everything about drugs except addiction and the fact that I feel like a potato. I like to drink (can't you tell by this post?) and I like MaryJane (remember, good sex has to be awfully good to be better than any kind of sex on grass), just haven't had any in a while. Oh sweet mother of pearl! MJ not sex!

I'm looking through the blinds at some strange car parked out front. Maybe I should flush all my crap. NO! It's gone.

I once sat stoned in the Rock Chalk Cafe. On acid. 
"Sunglasses or beads, man. You can't have both."
I could see to the very core of human...something.
"Give me the beads man, give me the beads."

I know you're out there. Watching.